Friday, October 21, 2005

Another Name Change

Probably as permanent as the last one. It reflects what's going on currently in the life of...a friend.

So I have this friend. And he's in his mid-30's, and is starting to realize that life is not how he had imagined it.

He didn't have huge expectations in life, like being rich or married to a supermodel, or anything stellar like that. He did want to be happy at what he did for a living, and wanted to have a happy, healthy relationship with his wife and with his kids.

He didn't think that these goals would be so difficult, but yeah, that's fair. Because nothing in life that is worth having is ever easy.

He's not the type to give up on anything, even with the possibility that he might be miserable for the rest of his days looming over him like some evil sphincter spectre. He has made a committment to put every ounce of effort he has into his marriage, so that he doesn't end up like his inlaws after all of their kids grew up and moved out: Two strangers living under the same roof, sleeping in different bedrooms.

Sometimes he wonders if his wife loves the idea of having a husband more than she loves him. As far as husbands go, he's not too bad. He shares pretty well in the parental responsibilities, and does more than a lot of husbands do. He has even sacrificed any semblance of a social life to be a better dad and hubby. He's not one to have an affair, either. He's pretty damn loyal in that respect.

But he wonders often if his struggles are worth it, if they are appreciated, if he is loved by those he loves. The words "I love you" are often said to him, but rarely shown to him.

He hates self-pity and won't indulge in it, but still gets the gnawing feeling that he boarded the wrong train at the station sometimes.

I'll probably eventually delete this post, so I don't get this guy in trouble. But what is a blog, if not a semi-anonymous sounding board?

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