4:00:00pm Get home from work.
4:30:00pm Drop Wife and oldest two daughters off at bus terminal for a day-long trip.
4:30:01pm Console inconsolable 2-yr old daughter, who is heartbroken that she doesn't get to go too.
4:30:12pm Suggest renting a DVD
4:30:16pm Try to bribe her with a treat
4:30:18pm Suggest going to McDonald's for dinner.
4:30:30pm Pack youngest two children back into minivan, head up the road to McDonald's.
4:42:00pm Spend next 40 minutes with the baby in one arm, a Big Mac in the other, watching the 2-yr old go nuts in the play structure.
5:22:00pm Give single french fry to 2-yr old. Watch her speed away from the table back to the play structure.
5:42:00pm Talk 2-yr old into packing it up so that we can go home. Promise all sorts of treats or goodies, not certain whether or not I can deliver.
5:48:00pm Walk by the Redbox DVD machine on our way to the car. Try to check out Kronk's New Groove. Gone. How about Madagascar (again)? Gone. About the only thing left to rent is Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo. Um, No. Tell daughter "Sorry honey, DVD machine broken! Let's go to Hollywood Video!"
5:59:00pm Arrive at Hollywood Video. Unfortunately, halt the town preceded me by an hour, and so few - if any - new releases are left. I manage to grab a Dora the Explorer DVD, and by sheer luck notice a copy of Kronk's New Groove sitting on the candy rack by the checkout stands. I go to pay for it, realize I have no cash, and end up putting it on the mastercard.
6:04:00pm I load the kids into the car, and decide that 24 hours of us "bach'en it" requires some goodies. We drive toward Wal-Mart. The half of the town that beat us to Hollywood Video is still lingering around Wal-Mart. I reason that we probably have at least 14lbs of Christmas candy left over. We drive home.
6:24:00pm We get home, I notice that the 2-yr old is sporting a messy diaper. I change her diaper, and then discover the baby needs a little diaper maintenance as well. Upon opening up his diaper, I find that it has gone all the way up his back, requiring the use of about 12 wet-wipes to get him nominally clean. He does have a satisfied look on his face, however. I put the new diaper on him, making a mental note to give him a bath a little later on.
6:27:42pm Baby fills his diaper with poop again. Where does it all come from? 8 wet-wipes later, we are good to go again. Meanwhile, 2-yr old is growing restless for me to put Dora the Explorer into the DVD player. This just might buy 30 minutes of sanity here until I can regroup...
6:41:00pm Baby starts crying. It's about time for him to be fed. I can't believe I spaced that off. I pull out a bottle of milk from the refrigerator, and spend the next 5 minutes warming it up, while his fussing becomes increasing more... fussy.
6:46:20pm Feed the baby his bottle. Sit next to the 2-yr old while she watches Dora. I've seen this show before, I know it. Think. Think. Oh yeah, it reminds me a lot of that one that we already have in our DVD collection. The one that she has already watched 300+ times. The one with a cover identical to the one that I just paid four bucks to rent. *sigh*
6:58:00pm Burp the baby. He falls asleep. I stealthily creep back to the computer in the family room to catch up on a bit of blogging while the baby sleeps in the crook of my arm. I barely have the browser open when I hear a soft little sing-song voice at my elbow. "Da-Da? Play Elmo game?" She holds up a CD with sticky fingerprints all over it. "Can you watch Dora for a few more minutes?" I look over at the TV, and Dora and Boots are dancing around, high fiving each other, singing something in Spanish. This is pretty much the end of the show, and I'm thinking that she already knows how it ends by now...
7:01:00pm Clean Elmo CD-ROM game, and put it in. 2-yr old insists I remain with her while she plays the game. But I am not to interfere or help her. She just doesn't want to be alone. Well, there's two hours until Numbers comes on. Maybe I can do some reading?
7:09:00pm I've picked out a book, and laid back on the sofa. Baby wakes up and starts crying. I put the book down, and lean up, gently patting his back. Check his diaper. It's wet. I change his diaper, but not without getting sprayed by a "golden ray of sunshine". I go wash up, leaving the baby on the floor with Maggie the dog staring down her nose at him, trying to figure him out.
7:11:00pm I ask the 2-yr old if she wants to watch Kronk's New Groove? She looks at me as if I spoke to her in German. Spanish she could understand, but German, no. I pull the DVD of "The Emperor's New Groove" off of the shelf, and while pointing at the cover, explain to her that Kronk is the big stupid guy. She elects to watch The Emperor's New Groove instead.
7:28:00pm 2-yr old asks for popcorn. We pause the DVD and pop some microwave popcorn. My grandparents gave us a whole case of the stuff, but it was the kind with hardly any butter. And I absolutely LOVE my popcorn dripping with butter!
7:30:00pm We restart the movie.
7:31:00pm 2-yr old asks for a drink.
7:32:24pm I hand a drink of water to my daughter. "No, Daddy! Want Barbie sippee cup!" *sigh*
7:34:00pm I poured the contents of the first cup into the Barbie sippee cup, and hand it to her. I notice that the baby has pooped... yet again!
7:41:00pm Baby is now all cleaned up, and 2-yr old is happily watching Emperor's New Groove.
8:04:00pm 2-yr old starts asking where her binky is. We pause the DVD, yet again, and hunt all over the house for any one of her 5 binkies.
8:21:00pm We restart the movie.
8:44:00pm 2-yr old gets very moody, whining that she wants her mommy. What am I, chopped liver? Baby starts crying too, making it a 2-part harmony. I run through a list of different bribes to get her to quit crying. Why in the hell did I suggest getting "Chicken Nuggies" at McDonald's? We pack it up and head back to McDonald's. Baby hates car rides at night; screams nearly the entire way.
9:20:00pm I hold baby in one arm, and an order of fries in the other. I should have gotten a shake instead. 2-yr old attacks the playland with the same high-energy vigor that she did nearly five hours ago. Chicken Nuggies go cold.
9:55:00pm 2-yr old says "Daddy, I tired!" I load the kids into the minivan again, and within two minutes, she is completely zonked out.
10:17:00pm I quietly and carefully unload a sleeping toddler and sleeping baby out of the van and into the house. I place the 2-yr old in our bed, as she will most likely wake up tonight and wander in here anyway.
10:17:30pm Baby wakes up. He's hungry again. I should have seen that one coming. Another five minutes is spent heating up a bottle of milk while trying to calm the hungry beast.
10:24:00pm I feed bottle to baby. Burp him, and he's wide awake, just looking around. I wonder if I can catch the end of "Lawrence of Arabia" on the Comcast "On Demand".
10:30:00pm With sounds of dozens of angry camel riders charging the city of Aquiba, I change another wet diaper, careful to not get sprinkled again.
10:36:00pm While looking around and checking things out, baby's eyelids close, and he zonks out. I put him to bed.
10:42:00pm I drag a large box in from the garage, and proceed to take the Christmas tree (undecorated) down.
11:14:00pm I finish with the tree, and wander upstairs, thinking a hot bath sounds kinda nice. I fill up the tub with steaming hot water, putting a George Winston CD into the boombox on the counter.
11:19:00pm I hear sounds of crying coming from my bedroom. I jump out of the tub, throw a bathrobe on and run in to comfort my 2-yr old, who is not quite awake, but is crying for Mommy. What am I, chopped liver? I lay on the be next to her and soothe her back to sleep.
11:34:00pm She's asleep, and I get back into my bath, and reflect on all that I haven't accomplished today.
11:50:00pm I get out of the tub, throw my pajamas on and settle down into bed.
12:13:00am Baby wakes up. Has wet diaper and is hungry. I change him, and do the whole routine of heating up the bottle and feeding him and burping him again. He falls asleep around 1:00.
1:50:00am 2-yr old wakes up again, causing me to wonder if McDonald's is possibly open at this hour. Or, maybe I can find that mini-bottle of Jack Daniels that we rub on the kids' gums when they're teething, and... no. That's probably illegal. Certainly unethical. 2-yr old goes back to sleep within 10 minutes.
4:12:00am Baby wakes up. Has wet diaper and is hungry. I change him, and do the whole routine of heating up the bottle and feeding him and burping him again. He stays awake until about 6:00.
7:24:00am 2-yr old wakes up, wants to watch Spongebob. I put her in front of the TV, not caring that it's Lazytown that's on at the moment. Apparently, she doesn't care either.
8:58:00am Baby wakes up. Has messy diaper and is hungry. I change him, and do the whole routine of heating up the bottle and feeding him and burping him again.
9:00:00am 2-yr old doesn't like what's on TV. I talk her into watching Kronk's New Groove, and give her a box of cold cereal to munch on.
10:12:00am My grandparents call up and want to know if the 2-yr old would like to come up and visit. I say "Sure".
10:38:00am I pack the kids into the minivan, go to put the dog out, and realize that I left her out all night. Good thing she has a fur coat... and a dog house. Ten minutes later, I am in the parking lot at Target, trying to figure out just where the hell I was supposed to be going. I remember.
11:05:00am We arrive at Grandma & Grandpa's house. 2-yr old runs off to play with Grandma. Baby is hungry. And wet. I change his diaper, then realize that I didn't bring a bottle with me. I race down the street to the grocery store and buy a can of formula. I get back out to the car, realizing that I have no bottle to put the formula in. I run back in and buy a bottle.
11:32:00am I get back to Grandma & Grandpa's house, where the baby has gone back to sleep.
11:33:00am I collapse of sheer exhaustion.
12:14:00pm Grandma wakes me up, wanting to know if I would like to go to McDonald's for lunch? "No, you guys go without me. I'll just stay here with the baby."
1:52:00pm Grandparents and 2-yr old return from the golden arches, with a mostly uneaten happy meal.
2:02:00pm The 2-yr old crashes, and the baby wakes up. With a massively poopy diaper. I didn't bring diaper wipes, either. I use wet paper towels on this one, hoping that the diaper gods can forgive me this one infraction. He tries his bottle of formula. Hates it. But then figures he's hungry enough to eat it anyway.
3:38:00pm The 2-yr old wakes up, sleepily munches on some cold chicken nuggets while I pack them into the minivan. The baby goes to sleep, and we drive down to the bus station to pick Mommy and the girls up.
4:23:00pm The bus pulls up, and Mommy and the girls climb off. The two year old is ecstatic, and is barely suppressing enough energy to power a small city for several days. Mysteriously, the baby wakes up, sensing that a much better meal than "formula" is nearby.
"How was everything?" my wife asks. "Perfect. We had a great time" I reply.
End Result:
Time spent on Blogging: 0Time spent on fiction writing: 0
Time spent getting my chores done: 0
Time well spent: 24 hours, give or take.
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