I Guess We've Been Warned...

Gee, who would have thought? Right about the same time the Muslim organizations in the United States issue a "fatwa" against violence and killing, newly elected Iranian president Ahmadi-Nejad has his two cents to throw in as well:

"We want art that is on the offensive. Art on the offensive exalts and defends the noble principles, and attacks principles that are corrupt, vulgar, ungodly, and inhuman.

"Art reaches perfection when it portrays the best life and best death. After all, art tells you how to live. That is the essence of art. Is there art that is more beautiful, more divine, and more eternal than the art of martyrdom? A nation with martyrdom knows no captivity. Those who wish to undermine this principle undermine the foundations of our independence and national security. They undermine the foundation of our eternity.

"The message of the [Islamic] Revolution is global, and is not restricted to a specific place or time. It is a human message, and it will move forward.

"Have no doubt... Allah willing, Islam will conquer what? It will conquer all the mountain tops of the world."

Wow, who saw that coming?

/sarcasm

My Hero!

I just HAD to throw this in today. Some of you know that I aspire to be a fiction writer, and this guy is nothing less than a demi-god in the circles of written and oral fiction.

Photo from www.welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com Visit them!

I aspire to be like him for two main reasons: First, he has very creative ways of insulting people. Second, he has a cult following and several websites dedicated to his work.

I figure there's only so many ways to arrange the usual litany of profane words at mindless people on the road. Why not inject a little middle-eastern culture into it? Throw a few curses into it, like "May your entrails roast in the belly of a bloated camel" or "may the fleas of a thousand camels plague you and your infidel descendents for a thousand years!" Wow, I feel better already! Not as quick and efficient as yelling "Asshole!" at someone, but this forces you to use your brain a little more.

And you can't help but smile when using insults that contain the words entrails, camel or infidel.

This page will take you to a bunch of viewer-submitted material in the same vein. Some of these are pretty good!

"...We Have A Clean Bird."

Okay, so I'm a geek. I admit it. I was the kid who saw Star Wars about 20 times in the theater (pre-VCR era), tape recorded the audio from Battlestar Galactica episodes, and knew just about every useless trivial fact you could know about Star Trek, Star Wars and Battlestar Galactica. I loved lasers and photon torpedos, particularly for their ability to effectively annihilate whatever object seemed to be a problem at the time. Especially the Death Star. Man, to have some of THAT power around when the school bully came to pick on me! Or even a lightsaber. But I digress.

Photo Credit: NASA

This is a second for Discovery. For those of you who remember a bright summer day in 1988, it was the Shuttle Discovery that lifted off the pad amidst a cloud of flames and smoke, and roared into space. It was a fiery phoenix rising from the ashes of the doomed Challenger mission just two and a half years previous. Now, it is Discovery once again that rises to the occasion, climbing into space two and a half years after another tragic mission.

Even with some foam coming off of the external fuel tank, NASA believes that the orbiter is in good condition, free from damage. And getting that thing to do a backflip? How cool is that? I can't even do backflips anymore, and I probably weigh only 1/10,000th of what the shuttle does. Even in space.


And the backup plan?

Photo Credit: NASA

Tip your hat to Discovery's little sister, Atlantis, who is reportedly part of a contingency plan for rescue, should anything go wrong with Discovery, although a more probable plan would include 3 Russian Soyuz rockets rather than a second orbiter blast-off.

Okay, end of geek post.

Taken for Granted?

Kim from the Great White North had a post that got me thinking.

"My point is that sometimes when things so beautiful and coveted by others are so easily accessible to us, we tend to take these things for granted."

Photo Copyright Cheyenne Rouse, Lonely Planet Images

I spent my teenage years in the dreary little town of Park City, Utah. You may have heard of it, or even seen it on TV during the 2002 Winter Olympic Games. When I lived there in the mid-80's, people were shelling out between $300,000 and 1,500,000 for condos there. Condos. In the mid-freakin' 80's!

Can you imagine what that would translate into today? We lived in a 4 Bedroom, $300,000 condo in a very prestigious location. I guess that was the upside of having a lawyer for a dad. But life in actuality was: Boring as hell. Small high school (you knew everyone's name within a month), and not a lot to do unless you:

• had a car
  
• were old enough to go into a bar or club
  
• were staying at one of the hotels or resorts
  
• were a granola that liked to hike all over creation.

We were left to our own devices most of the time to make our own fun, which included (among other things):

• exploring dangerous, old mines
  
• stealing parents' Suburban and going 4-wheeling when they weren't home
  
• hiking or biking all over creation.
  
• catching a ride into Salt Lake to one of the malls or entertainment complexes.

We routinely came in contact with people who would spend several hundred dollars daily just to stay in a place we were dying to get away from. We also would occasionally come into contact with famous people, as the Annual Celebrity Classic would come into town around February.

One of my friends saw Ahnold the Guvvenator on the ski bus, then made the tactless mistake of asking him for his autograph. I was nearly knocked over in the hallway of the Holiday Inn by a then 6-year old Drew Barrymore. I could go on... but won't.

Park City could glitter and sparkle like nothing else...If you had nothing else but your money to throw at it.

I've been back to visit recently. You wouldn't recognize it for the few hundred thousand new condos built there over the past decade. It used to take us a good twenty minutes from Parley's Summit at the top of the canyon to the outskirts of Park City itself. Now, the whole thing is one continuous metro area. My little dusty dreary town is gone, except to memory.

Here is a list of other places within a few hours of my home that people literally come from all over the world to see (all links go to pages with pictures):

• Zion National Park
  
• Arches National Park
  
• Canyonlands National Park
  
• Bryce Canyon National Park
  
• Lake Powell (Page is in German or Dutch, but nice photos!)
  
• The Wasatch Mountains
  
• The Uinta Mountains
  
• Little Sahara Sand Dunes
  
• The San Rafael Swell

This list could go on and on. For a place that started out literally as one of the most God-forsaken states in the union, it is really quite the gem.

Note: By the way, I've got my own photos of most of these places; they're just sitting on the home computer right now...

(Not) Much Ado About Nothing...

Meaning that nothing much has gone on lately, and I'm not going to make much ado about it.

Hmmm, let me qualify that statement a little: Not a lot has gone on lately, but I've been working my ass to the bone (is there an assbone?) to try and get through everything I need to. For two days last week, I was put on a survey crew for ten hours a day, and I kind of liked it! I have a "Sun-God" bronze tan (on my forearms, anyway), and some road-grime spots on my clothing that probably won't come out until long after my children have grown and married. The surveyors are a fun lot to hang out with, as they know all of the good spots to pack a picnic lunch and watch lovely girls stroll by.

Moving on... The past half week has included surveying in the blistering heat, yard work in the blistering heat, avoiding going out in the blistering heat, etc. In Utah, we had a state holiday yesterday, which meant that I got to sleep in until 8:00, get up, do the dishes, clean the kitchen, run to the grocery store to buy some breakfast cereal, and get back home before my wife got out of bed. Because, not only was it a holiday, it was also HER holiday...the kind you associate with cake, candles and getting older. She handled the whole thing rather well, I thought.

At the behest of several nagging daughters, I rented Disney's "Ice Princess" on DVD last night. I'm typically not that much into "lower end" Disney films, but this one hit me right at home. It really wasn't because Michelle Trachtenburg is easy on the eyes, but rather the whole "Getting what you really want out of life" theme. It makes one who is NOT getting what he wants out of life (in some regards) start to think. Which can be good. Or bad.

Ummm, can I see what's behind Door #2?

For years I wanted to be an architect (beautiful buildings fascinate me - almost as much as women do), then I wanted to be a cardio-thoracic surgeon (mainly for the money and prestige), then an astronaut, then a Navy pilot (the Top Gun years), and then reality struck, and what I really wanted most was to at least graduate from high school. My grades had suffered immensely during my teenage years, and it was only through a combination of Track and Field, Cross Country Track and Early Morning Choir that I was able to earn enough credits to graduate from school. So, I drifted through the next several years, more or less taking the path of least resistance and becoming things that I was skilled at. Like a CAD designer, or computer technician. But I don't think I've ever had the kind of epiphany that the lovely Michelle T. had in Ice Princess... something that I could be good at AND passionate about. And it bothered me.

Some of you are vaguely aware of a slight aspiration I have to write books. Who knows? Maybe that will be the thing that I enjoy the most... But I actually have to get one published before I could know for sure. The stories are there in my head, it's just getting the time to actually sit down at the keyboard and hash them out. My dad is a published author, and it didn't seem toooooo extremely hard to get his book from computer to bookstore shelf, but we'll see. It seems anymore that EVERYBODY is an author, EVERYBODY is a photographer, EVERYBODY is a recording artist, and to quote Syndrome (from Disney's The Incredibles):

"...And when everyone's super, no one will be."

On the other hand, I am extremely happy with my life as a parent. I have the cutest kids in the entire universe, and there is nothing better than a hug and kiss for Daddy at the end of the day. I'm pretty content with my married life, too. I can't see ever being divorced, because my wife and I are a pretty darn good fit. As much as I may enjoy watching lovely ladies stroll around at lunchtime, there is nary a thought as to ever "touching the merchandise". I couldn't ever do that to my sweetheart.

So is this what life is all about? Am I to be content with the excellent things in my life, such as family and friends, and merely put up with the mediocre things? Or I am supposed to reach for it all, not resting until I have the most deep and abiding satisfaction a person could derive from their day to day living?

At the end of this mindless, introspective rant, I ask: Where do I fit in?"

My hat tip to the Utah Driver...

Here is a copy of the "Newly Updated Utah Driver's Test"*

This test is BOTH the sample test and actual test. The sample test has the correct answer(s) to the questions in italic print, and sometimes the actual test does too, if they get mixed up.

UTAH DRIVER'S EXAM*
* Not Really

Turn signals are to be used:

1. For three seconds before initiating, and during any lane change
   
2. Never during a lane change, but sometimes for miles on end down a straight stretch of road
   
3. Turn Signal? Is that what that blinking yellow thingy is?

If your turn signal doesn't work, the proper way to signal a left-hand turn is:

1. Extend your left arm straight out your window
   
2. Swerve suddenly to the left
   
3. Turn signal? Is that what the blinking yellow thingy is?

When you arrive at a two-way stop, you:

1. Look both directions, before cautiously moving into traffic
   
2. Execute a "California Rolling Stop", and glide into the intersection, nearly causing an accident.
   
3. Sit at the stop sign for minutes on end, even while no one is coming in either direction, and when somebody honks at you, you immediately flip them off, shout "Fuck you!" out the window, execute your move into traffic while hanging your head out the window, still yelling things in "Inner City Urban" at the person who honked at you, and looking like a complete dipshit.

When somebody rapidly gains on you in the far-left lane on the highway, you should:

1. Courteously move to the next lane over and let him pass.
   
2. Tap your brake lights to let the approaching driver know that he's traveling at an unsafe speed
   
3. Stand your ground! Let that sonofabitch know that the speed limit is 65 DAMN MILES PER HOUR, not 80! Let that leadfoot asswipe know that lawbreakers will not be tolerated in your community, certainly not on YOUR watch! (Oh my, was that my church voice?)

When caught in heavy, slow moving traffic, it is best to:

1. Drive in a patient, calm manner, obeying all traffic laws.
   
2. Swear a lot
   
3. Pull out your "Rabid Environmentalist" and "ACLU Lawyer" voodoo dolls, pound the hell out of them, cursing them for halting the construction of the Legacy Parkway, which would have largely alleviated such traffic congestion.

The proper use of a cell phone while driving a car includes:

1. Pulling over to the side of the road, so that you can devote your attention to the call.
   
2. Keeping at least one hand on the wheel of the car while your are talking on the phone.
   
3. Driving 30mph slower than surrounding traffic while on the phone, at the same time, being largely oblivious to said traffic.

If the car behind you is riding your bumper, swerving slightly back and forth, and the car in front of you is more than a quarter mile ahead of you, you should:

1. Courteously move to the next lane over and let him pass.
   
2. Ignore him, he probably doesn't carry a gun in his car.
   
3. Whip out the cell phone, decrease speed by 30mph, and call 9-1-1. He's probably drunk.

You should check your rear view and side view mirrors

1. Once every ten seconds
   
2. When I hear honking
   
3. What? I can see my rear in a mirror?!

If you hit an animal on the road, you should:

1. Call the highway patrol and advise them of the location of the animal, and fill out an accident report.
   
2. Pretend you don't notice that the whole front end of your car has been smashed to hell, and continue along your way.
   
3. Depends on if there's good eatin' on it or not.

When being pulled over by a police officer, it is advisable:

1. Be respectful, keep you hands in plain sight, and do not make any sudden moves.
   
2. To pretend that you're a foreign tourist, and that you did not know the local traffic laws.
   
3. To throw your stash and illegal weapons out the window.

Proper etiquette in addressing a police officer who has pulled you over includes:

1. Respect, politeness and cooperation
   
2. making up some lameass story about why you were speeding, or exposing more cleavage than is necessary.
   
3. Impressing the officer with your obvious gangsta style, carrot-like IQ and inner-city vernacular that uses far too many "Z"s in it, and ending your sentences with "yo".

The correct function of an automobile is:

1. Transportation mechanism.
   
2. Booty-mobile
   
3. 2300 lb. guided projectile.

Proper speed through a residential aera is:

1. 25mph
   
2. Slow, with subwoofer blasting, so everybody knows da Big Dog is in town!
   
3. Nothing under 3nd gear.

Motorcycles are:

1. Bound by the same traffic laws as an automobile
   
2. Pretty darn fun
   
3. Not the best thing to ride into a hotel lobby.

Pedestrians

1. Always have the right of way
   
2. are just unlucky bastards who can't afford a car
   
3. are worth 50 points.

What bumper sticker is most commonly seen on the Utah road?

1. My child is an honor student at ________ school.
   
2. My child can beat up your honor student.
   
3. Forget bumper stickers, I like them chrome nekkid ladies on my mud flaps!

What is the political affiliation of most of your fellow Utah drivers?

1. Republican
   
2. The one with the elephant
   
3. Whichever one is all for me keepin' my assault rifle collection.

Which of the following items can impair a driver's ability to safely conduct a vehicle?

1. Excessive alcohol or medications
   
2. Carload of screaming children
   
3. The sun reflecting off of those bright, shiny spinning hubcaps....ooh, shiny, sparkly...

What is the legal blood-alcohol limit before you are considered unsafe to drive?

1. 0.08
   
2. 55mph, I guess.
   
3. When I caint remember the ex-wife no more.

When an emergency vehicle approaches, you should

1. Pull off to the right side of the road and wait until it passes, then resume normal driving.
   
2. Try to outrun it.
   
3. Emergency vehicle? What emergency vehicle? Guess I better turn down da subwoofer.

The preceding was NOT actually an official test from the State of Utah. However, judging by the way most Utah Drivers conduct their vehicles, there has to be an unofficial study guide out there which bears a striking resemblance to this document.

What the McPhuc?

McDonald' s, just short of actually coming out and admitting that it will do anything for your money, is now renting DVD's in the Salt Lake metro area. Just another ploy in a long line of marketing schemes. Does anyone honestly remember when McDonald's just did burgers, fries, shakes & drinks? I think I must have been about 4 or 5 years old, and it was a straight burger place, with obnoxious red & yellow striped decor inside, and a standard kids' playground (a swingset and jungle gym with a hamburger theme) outside. Back then, it was a treat to go to McDonald's. Now, I have to steel myself against it.

Kids: Can we go to McDonald's? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease?
Me: How about we go somewhere and get a real burger, and I'll take you to the waterpark instead?
Kids: Yayyyyyyyyy!

So, there you have it. McDonald's has become little more than a collective bargaining chip in our home. It wasn't always that way, though.

When I was growing up, they actually had pretty good food. As far as marketing and recognition, they were at the top. Then something happened. Their competition decided they wanted a share of the McCustomer, and so they listened when people told them why they weren't as good as McDonald's. They made changes to food, service and environment. And then, while McDonald's wasn't looking, Burger King, Carl's Jr., Arby's, Taco Bell, and a host of others plowed right past them. UnMcPhuckingBelievable!

So then, in order to win customers back, they had contests where you could win a motor home, or a million dollars, or free McDonald's food. When that didn't accomplish everything they had hoped for, they attacked the menu. Anyone remember McRib or McPizza? Gag. On the pizza, that is. McRib is actually pretty tasty. But they were outside the scope of the usual for the golden arches. The expansion into chicken nuggets, sandwiches proved to be a good move for them, but again, their competition took a look at the product, and then introduced superior versions of it. Then came the salads. The yogurt parfaits. Oh, and the Arch Deluxe! Who could forget the "Grown-up" hamburger from McDonald's? Tasted just like their others, only with bacon and a jazzy sauce. It too disappeared.

Now, they market primarily to our kids. A cheap, crappy toy with every "Happy Meal". And while there are some sad individuals who collect such crap, it's something we tend to avoid like the ebola virus.

Me: Oh, the dog chewed up your beeping blinking Sonic the Hedgehog game? Bummer.

So yes, McDonald's - to answer your question - you are not at the top of our fast food list! If you truly want to make a change for the better, quit trying to lure people in with shiny little objects like toys, contests and DVD's. Try focusing on the food. Real quality for the price. Your friends over at the home of the plastic-faced grinning King have an idea what it's all about. But if you really want a leg up, check out Apollo Burger. Mmmmmm, now that's food!

May be good at chewing off a dinosaur's head

Sounds like something from the "Personals" column. My wife had a wierd dream last night. She dreamt that there was a T-Rex running around our neighborhood, and that when it passed by our house, it leaned down and grabbed one of our cars in its mouth.

Me: Which one?
Her: The one that's for sale.
Me: Oh good. We could collect insurance.

Then, out of nowhere, our mostly dumb, certainly weird dog comes flying through the air and lands on T-Rex's neck, and chews his head off. My wife said we went over and looked at it. A severed dinosaur head that was still gripping our car in its jaws, and one crazy dog covered in dino-blood.

You have to realize that this is the same dog that runs around our backyard chasing flies, bees and hornets. She actually caught a fly in her mouth tonight in our house. Then trotted over and spit it out in front of us. The fly, slightly dazed (Bzzz....bzz...bzz..zzzz?) wandered around on the floor for a couple of seconds while psycho-mutt stares down the length of her nose, watching it. When at last the fly seems like it can move normally, her big sloppy tongue comes out and coats the fly again with dog drool (Bzzz...BZZZZZZZZZZ!! zzzzzBBzzzz...zzzbbb!?!). At this point, I grab a nearby piece of paper and coax the staggering fly onto it, after which I go out the front door and flip the paper over. The fly, ecstatic to be free, fell to the ground like a lead ballon. A spit-covered lead ballon, that is.

Does Anyone Remember...

...the baker on Sesame Street who would balance several pies on his arms and in his hands, singing "Ten coconut cream pies!!!", then falling down a flight of stairs with the pies crashing down on top of him? I am that man. Only instead of delicious, messy pies, I am balancing several projects at work, as well as several chores at home. But hey, I did get the meme done yesterday.

My apologies to anyone that I am late in responding to; I didn't even get home last night until close to 8:00pm. Not even a chance to turn on the home computer most nights.

Nilo

The MEME

My first Meme

Canada Kim has tagged me with a blog meme. So here's all the horrifying info about me you really didn't want to know, but can't manage NOT to read anyway.

10 years ago: Barely married, and barely back from our honeymoon. We were just moving into our first apartment, where we would spend the next three years. Working at an engineering company, doing the same thing I'm doing now.

5 years ago: Working as one of eight DSL field technicians for Qwest Communications in the Wasatch Front metro area. My service area extended from Ogden, Utah north to the Idaho border, and I was damn good at what I did. I enjoyed it, because it was new people, new scenery every day. Oh, and the money was pretty good, too. Had two kids by now, plus we started building our current house in September.

One year ago: I was the engineering / presentation graphics guy for a local county government, i.e., the "Magic Wand" that the county engineer could wave, and there would be a nice looking picture or map, with lots of colors and shiny objects for the simple-minded. I hated my job, because they didn't pay worth shit, and expected the world.

Yesterday: Working on three different projects, trying furiously to get them out the door by their deadlines. Somebody called about the car we're trying to sell, and asked all of the right questions. Maybe he'll buy it. I have a 100 mile commute daily, and need something that is a LOT more fuel efficient. I actually was able to wash all of the dishes last night, and our two-year old slept through the entire night, for possibly the fifth or sixth time in her life.

Today: Going to the annual summer barbecue at my previous employer's. Ummm, steak! AND, my current employer says that I can probably count part of that time as project-related, because I'm going to beg some engineering drawings off of them. How cool is that?

Tomorrow: Who knows? A comet might hit the earth and I won't have to worry about it. If not, I'll be at work, trying desperately to meet deadlines.

5 snacks that I enjoy: Oreos, Potato Chips, Cheetos, Popcorn and beef jerky.

5 bands/singers that I know the lyrics of MOST of their songs: Gordon Lightfoot, Billy Joel, The Beach Boys, Abba and the Muppetts. How's that for eclectic? I know many more, but those are the first that come to mind.

5 things I would do with $100,000,000: Pay a hell of a lot of taxes, buy a nice house, buy good dependable cars, travel, help others with the huge excess left over.

5 locations I'd like to run away to: NYC, London, Austria, the Caribbean, Australia

5 bad habits I have: Soda Pop, Swearing, Blogging, over-committing my time, being very untidy.

5 things I like doing: Reading, Writing, Traveling, Photography, Sleeping

5 things I would never wear: Pantyhose, anything that is neon-pink, a burkha, a thong and a really long beard.

5 TV shows I like: Extreme Home Makeover, Gilmore Girls, Without A Trace, Numbers, Spongebob

5 movies I like: LOTR Trilogy, Real Genius, Monty Python's Holy Grail, Better Off Dead, Second-Hand Lions

5 famous people I'd like to meet: Steven Spielberg, Terry Pratchett, Ty Pennington, Paige Hemmis (seriously, good looking AND works with power tools? How cool is that?), and any celebrity that QUIETLY and UNASSUMINGLY uses their money to help people in need.

5 biggest joys at the moment: My family, friends, life as it is, good books, good music.

5 favorite toys: From childhood - Legos, Micronauts, Star Wars action figures & playsets, Matchbox/Hotwheels cars and Lite Brite (I have an unbelievable affinity for light and color. I must have been a moth in a previous life.)

5 people to tag: Aleisha, and any other four people who want to take this up. (I really don't know a lot of people online - more of my visitors actually need to say hi and introduce themselves).

Blogging revealed

I read this article Friday, and had to laugh. It's from the Best Page in the Universe.

Blogger: Term used to describe anyone with enough time or narcissism to document every tedious bit of minutia filling their uneventful lives.

Describes me to a "T". Read it all. It just gets better from there. There's probably not a single redeeming quality about blogging that he can find, and frequently uses exclamations like:

"I get so pissed that I just want to saw my arms off."

More later...

Slow news day...

Hot weather over most of the state...Protesters smash a Burger King in Scotland...London gets the Hell bombed out of it...

Okay, will someone enlighten me? Will someone please tell me what kind of religion advocates the senseless slaughter of so many innocent people? Will somebody please open a door so I can see into the narrow and dark mind of a muslim extremist, and say "Oh, that's why they did it." ? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

No, I didn't think so. You couldn't pry open a mind like that with a crowbar. One so hell-bent on death and destruction that it cannot be happy unless it is bathing in other people's blood.

But this is what I don't understand: I moved to the south of France in June, 1989. I helped teach English courses, among other things. I often came in contact with muslims, and they were the most well-mannered and respectful people that I encountered during my entire stay in France. They would constantly invite you to dine with them (If you have food for one, it will feed four) and share in their company.

They were much nicer than most of the white French folk, who despised the very thought of Americans, let alone the presence of one. I imagine most muslims are like the ones I knew, and yet, they share the same religion as the terrorists do. And, for the most part, do not condemn the actions of the terrorists!

What's going on here, guys? Secret programming? Are they living normal respectable lives until their draft number is picked, and then they turn into bloodthirsty animals? Is every muslim a ticking time bomb?

While I do not know about the standard, every day muslim, I can tell you that the terrorist model is nothing more than an animal that walks on two legs. The biggest difference between animals and humans being, of course, the ability to reason. You cannot reason with a terrorist. You cannot compromise. You cannot make things better by an apology. In doing so, you unwittingly play into their script, delay the inevitable by a few months or years, and all the while giving them more time to probe your soft underbelly for places to strike.

It doesn't take a prophet or psychology major to figure out that 9-11, Madrid and London are not "the big ones". No, the fanatics are quietly cataloging what works and what doesn't. But one day, the big one will come... if we remain divided against ourselves.

We are, as a society, more concerned about whether a person is republican, democrat, liberal, conservative, black, white, english-speaking, non-english-speaking, religious, atheist, gay, straight, pro-life, pro-choice, rich, poor, male, female, blue-collar, white-collar, southerner, northerner, easterner, westerner, legal citizen, illegal immigrant, etc. America is so concerned about its differences (oh, forgive me, Diversity) that it has become the great salad bowl instead of the great melting pot.

If bringing all of the strengths together from a garden variety of foreign cultures is what made us great, then separating all of those out again and dividing us against ourselves is what is making us weak (Thank you, ACLU). And all the while, our enemy is building bombs and loading their guns and living among us, looking forward to the day that America is spoken of in the past tense.

We need to put our pride and petty differences aside and come together, or we will see much worse days ahead of us.

No Judgement Here...

I want to share something with you, so that maybe you can see where I'm coming from.

I am probably one of the most non-judgemental people you will come across, yet you wouldn't know it from some of my rants. I reserve the right to be selectively close-minded. This means that my mind was open for a pretty damn long time on some subjects before it got tired of waiting for someone or something to justify it remaining open. So then it closed.

Most of my closed-minded subjects have to deal with what I perceive as stupidity, plain and simple. You are welcome to disagree with me on any or all of these things. That is your right, and I defend that wholeheartedly. You will notice that these subjects most often deal with politics, politicians and occasionally religions (at least those that advocate the killing of others for no good reason at all).

The subjects you won't see me form judgement on are addictions of any kind, depressions, weaknesses and honest-to-God mistakes. How could I? I was the poster child for many of these things at one time or another.

At age 18, I was an alcoholic. I drank heavily with the fraternity that I was in, but it went far beyond social. I would drink at home as well, and I lived alone. At the age of 19, I was going through one of the worst times in my life. The girl I was deeply in love with was cheating on me with one of my good friends. She would avoid me almost all the time, and would never tell me what was wrong. I hurt so bad that I truly wanted to die. It was in the middle of all this that I quit drinking. I had come to find that all of the pain and anguish would still be there waiting for me when I sobered up, plus interest. Not only that, but I lived alone, and if I was to pass out and choke on my own vomit, nobody would find me for days. So I decided to go cold turkey. Facing all of my problems without the bottle felt worse than if someone had removed my liver with hack saw, but in time I got over it.

So here I am today, not having drank (or done drugs) in 17 years. There have been some damn hard times in my life since then - times when a drink would have soothed the troubled soul, but solving it all without the alcohol has made the healing so much more complete.

Again, I could never criticize, because I've been there. I can't tell someone it's easy to stop; it's just worth it.

During my teenage years, I was a pathological liar. I would regularly make things up because my life was so miserable. My parents had divorced when I was 12, and fought for nearly ten years after that over custody of my brother, sister and I. Being the manipulative little bastard I was, I learned how to play both ends against each other, and to profit materially from it. I told not only my parents, but many other people just what they wanted to hear. I was an opportunist.

At one point, it became vitally important to me to just be honest with myself and others. I knew people whose word was their bond. If they said something, you could damn well count on it being true. That impressed me. The kind of people they were impressed me, and I wanted to be like them. So I endeavor to be upfront and honest about everything I can. There are exceptions, however. Unless you read my posts pretty carefully, you wouldn't know that my name really isn't Nilo. But it's a name that I like, and will continue to use as my nom de plume.

Since I was 5, I've had an inordinately strong attraction to the female body. This, of course, led to lots of "playing doctor" when I was a young kid, and ultimately a pornography habit when I was older. Porn was an addiction that was just as hard to break as the booze and the drugs were. Am I cured? No, not completely. I still have days where it would be verrrryyy nice to see a nude woman. I just try and funnel all of that energy toward my wife. Poor wife.

There have been times during our marriage when the stress and contention were intolerable. You couldn't breathe in our home, because the tension was so oppressing. At such times, I have come close to hooking up with a female friend and doing something that I would really regret later. I have teetered on the edge between yes and no, and while thankfully I chose not to break my wife's heart and lose the trust of my children, I cannot pass judgement on anyone else in the same position who follows through. It was a place so easy to get to, so difficult to walk away from.

As you can see, I'm someone who has learned from the "School of Hard Knocks". I've never been one to do or not do something purely on someone else's experience or belief. I've always had to question, and I've always had to find out for myself. While it may not be the smartest way to go through life, this had enabled me to be a very good listening ear, but not a judge.

The Weekend in Review...

Saturday:

We hosted a fair amount of people at our home for our daughter's 8th birthday on Saturday. After having spent several hours outside prepping the yard, then a few more eating food and cake with our family and friends, I spent yet another hour cleaning up the yard, then yet another hour fixing the garage door which decided to break (entirely on a whim, no doubt). After all of that excitement in the scorching afternoon sun, I retired to the sofa with a nice case of heat exhaustion. I still didn't feel well on Sunday, nor did I on Monday. By about that time, I figured it was a virus.

Monday morning:

We hoisted the kids' bikes into the car and drove up to the local small-town parade. My wife got sick and raced for the nearest bathroom (not one to throw up in public, I guess), while I was left herding the 8-yr old, the 6-yr old, and pulling the 2-yr old in a wagon. Did I mention I was also carrying a folding chair for my now absent wife to sit on? We hit the parade route, where the bicycle parade had started just minutes before.

The 8-yr old, not wanting to be left behind, raced down the road, with the 6-yr old closely in tow. I pulled the wagon, looking for an acceptible shady place to plant my bones for the next hour. About the time that I was really getting antsy that my daughters were nowhere to be seen, my wife walks up. I go to hunt down the girls when I spot the 8-yr old. "Where is Liv?" I ask her, to which the standard blank look crosses her face. "She was behind me" McKay says.

To make a long story short, I ran to one end of the course (probably a 1/2 mile away; you'd be impressed if you knew what kind of shape I'm in), and my daughter - who has infinitely more common sense than I do (she's female, after all) went back to the beginning of the course and let the parade officials know that she was lost. Those same parade officials announced my name several times over while I was at the other end of the course, well out of earshot. End result: Even though I found my daughter (most important part), the entire town now thinks I'm a negligent parent.

Yay me!

Monday Night:

Stayed home from fireworks, but watched them from our bedroom window. 1:30am, youngest daughter starts bazooka barfing all over the place, and continues to do so for the rest of the night.

Tuesday Morning:

Stayed home from work, due to having been barfed on many times that night, along with a killer headache and a stiff neck. Meningitis, perhaps? I wasn't so lucky. Just sleep deprivation and strange sleeping positions (to avoid the barf stream).

My wife and I take turns sleeping for most of the day. I watched "Rhapsody in Blue" on the Turner Classic Movie station. Good show. Slept some more, ate a little for dinner, watched a little more TV, and then went to bed.

And then I was hit by the munchies. At 1:00am. It's not a pretty thing to be shoving handfuls of potato chips into your mouth to satisfy a salt craving. And no, I wasn't stoned. Haven't done that in 17 years. I'm just paying for the way I abused my body earlier in life.

University of NickJr...

Watching Dora the Explorer today with my 2 year old daughter, I learned something about the American political process, and some of the brains that steer it. The following is a loose approximation of the script from the show:

Dora: Oh No! The Mean Witch is going to cast a spell on us!

Prince: No she won't! I'll trap her in my magic ball! (tractor beam sucks witch into ball)

Boots: Yay! The witch is trapped!

Dora: But now you have a witch inside your ball! That's not good!

Prince: But what can we do? If we let her out, she'll cast a spell on us.

Dora: Maybe if she promises to be a good witch, we can let her out! (to Witch) Do you promise to be good and not be mean anymore?

Witch: (mumbling, looking crestfallen) I promise.

(Prince's ball opens up and witch is transported out again. Dora, Boots & Prince cheer: "Yayyyy!" Dora and Boots break into their usual song of "We did it, we did it, we did it, Hooray!" They sing about how they encountered the mean nasty witch, and saved the prince, and how the witch promised to be good from now on....and.. Did anyone else notice the witch wink at the camera when they said that?)

This reminded me sooooooooo very much about some whiny politicians in Washington who are all for America apologizing to the world for everything.

Let's tell all of the terrorists that we're sorry, and maybe they'll stop hating us and wanting to kill us. Let's turn all of the detainees at Gitmo out onto the street, because we're sorry, we didn't mean to capture you while you were shooting at us. I mean, we shouldn't have been on your soil at all. Here, we'll just let you get back to brutalizing women and killing everyone who doesn't share the same beliefs that you do.

Let's just follow the politicians and celebrities (because God knows, they're soooo in touch with reality) and apologize to the world, and everbody will be happy again! And throat-slitting, suicide bombing, head-lopping-off fanatics will no longer have any reason to hijack and crash airliners into skyscrapers anymore, right? Right???

(crickets chirping)

Did anyone else see Osama wink at the camera?

/political rant

Not just for sandwiches anymore

Peanut butter. Much more effective in baiting mouse traps than cheese has been. After a thorough cleaning of the house this week, we've discovered some ample evidence that a mouse has been living in our house (I just heard the sound of a Canadian friend getting seriously creeped out. Sorry Kim).

So, I did what any right-minded man of the house would do: I dusted off a mousetrap and baited it with peanut butter. Extra chunky. Irresistible to mice, and apparently other animals as well.

I had only placed the trap a few minutes before I heard a loud "SNAP!" and a yelp come from our family room. Anxious to see the demise of my small, beady-eyed intruder, I ran to the family room to discover an empty trap. With no peanut butter. And a sheepish looking dog cowering on the other side of the room.

The dog hairs stuck to the trap where the PB used to be were the proverbial smoking gun. So I reloaded the trap, and as I left the room, glanced over my shoulder. Just in time to see the dog running back over to the trap. Yep, our animal has no genetic relation to Pavlov's dog.