What the McPhuc?

McDonald' s, just short of actually coming out and admitting that it will do anything for your money, is now renting DVD's in the Salt Lake metro area. Just another ploy in a long line of marketing schemes. Does anyone honestly remember when McDonald's just did burgers, fries, shakes & drinks? I think I must have been about 4 or 5 years old, and it was a straight burger place, with obnoxious red & yellow striped decor inside, and a standard kids' playground (a swingset and jungle gym with a hamburger theme) outside. Back then, it was a treat to go to McDonald's. Now, I have to steel myself against it.

Kids: Can we go to McDonald's? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease?
Me: How about we go somewhere and get a real burger, and I'll take you to the waterpark instead?
Kids: Yayyyyyyyyy!

So, there you have it. McDonald's has become little more than a collective bargaining chip in our home. It wasn't always that way, though.

When I was growing up, they actually had pretty good food. As far as marketing and recognition, they were at the top. Then something happened. Their competition decided they wanted a share of the McCustomer, and so they listened when people told them why they weren't as good as McDonald's. They made changes to food, service and environment. And then, while McDonald's wasn't looking, Burger King, Carl's Jr., Arby's, Taco Bell, and a host of others plowed right past them. UnMcPhuckingBelievable!

So then, in order to win customers back, they had contests where you could win a motor home, or a million dollars, or free McDonald's food. When that didn't accomplish everything they had hoped for, they attacked the menu. Anyone remember McRib or McPizza? Gag. On the pizza, that is. McRib is actually pretty tasty. But they were outside the scope of the usual for the golden arches. The expansion into chicken nuggets, sandwiches proved to be a good move for them, but again, their competition took a look at the product, and then introduced superior versions of it. Then came the salads. The yogurt parfaits. Oh, and the Arch Deluxe! Who could forget the "Grown-up" hamburger from McDonald's? Tasted just like their others, only with bacon and a jazzy sauce. It too disappeared.

Now, they market primarily to our kids. A cheap, crappy toy with every "Happy Meal". And while there are some sad individuals who collect such crap, it's something we tend to avoid like the ebola virus.

Me: Oh, the dog chewed up your beeping blinking Sonic the Hedgehog game? Bummer.

So yes, McDonald's - to answer your question - you are not at the top of our fast food list! If you truly want to make a change for the better, quit trying to lure people in with shiny little objects like toys, contests and DVD's. Try focusing on the food. Real quality for the price. Your friends over at the home of the plastic-faced grinning King have an idea what it's all about. But if you really want a leg up, check out Apollo Burger. Mmmmmm, now that's food!