Something In The Air...

Warning: Soul bare and open. I can't really blame it on the pollen. There's something in the air, and it is all about change. I'm living a double life, which in essence, is living a lie. It's self destructive when your mind starts having problems remembering who it's supposed to be. Herein is the lie: Because of certain criticisms in the past, there's just a lot that I haven't shared with my wife and others. Nothing bigger than that, really. BUT because of that, she no longer really knows who I am. And I can't say that I truly know her anymore, either.

Fate stepped in and helped us out a bit. The other morning, as I was getting dressed, she asked me "So, are we married, or are we just friends?" I turned around and answered "You tell me what you think, because I've been wondering the same thing." Then a good, open and honest conversation followed, and we started rebuilding bridges that had long ago fallen into disrepair. My wife once asked what I would buy if I could buy anything. I told her a Harley, which surprised her. I want to have life in my face (along with the splattered bugs and all that), instead of viewing life through a windshield, television or a computer monitor. I want to experience it, not just see it. She understood that. I've since retracted my Harley wish in favor of another motorcycle, mainly because of maintenance costs.

She found out that I also love photography. What she doesn't know yet is how much I enjoy writing. I have 21 different books that I am writing - all concurrently - on my hard drive at home. Eight of them, perhaps, I work on regularly. It's always more impressive to say "books" even when some of them are only a few pages long. But fiction is definitely an enjoyable hobby for me. (Just in case you might be wondering, Polyester Nightmare parts 1 & 2 are not fiction. Those actually did happen.) Amazingly, even though I sometimes think I lead a boring life, there are always funny things like that happening.

Having reached out in many, many different directions to experience life at several different levels, I think I have figured out who I am. I am a daddy and husband first and foremost, but I am also a creature that enjoys all of the following:

• Sex. Need I say more?
  
  
• Politics. I am fascinated by the amount of unbelievable bullshit that is taking place in America's two main political parties.
  
  
• Religion. I love learning about other people's beliefs and how it defines them; there are also questions that religion can answer that science can't.
  
  
• Music. I love it. Most kinds, anyway. While I enjoy rock, country, classic alternative, etc., I love going to sleep to classical music.
  
  
• Architecture. I love the artistic combination of form and function. Architecture is one of the things a society is remembered by.
  
  
• Humor. You need to laugh in life. A lot. My sense of humor can be particularly twisted.
  
  
• Women. Their bodies are beautiful and fascinating; their minds even more so.
  

I enjoy all of the above things, but you won't see many posts on religion, politics and sex; mainly because they are polarizing subjects, and I want my visitors to feel comfortable at this site. I don't want someone thinking they have to have a particular mindset in order to enjoy my writing.

Now that I know who I am, I need to regroup. I have been spread so thin in so many different directions. So, all of my IM accounts, extra email accounts, and online journals (with the exception of this blog) will be closed down within the next week. And there will be times that I won't post for days, because I will be honoring my commitment to life.

Nilo