Small of Mind, Large of Bladder

I was listening to the radio today, an apparently there is a study out there proving that lower back pain contributes to brain shrinkage. So, mine should be about the size of a walnut by now, having put up with lower back pain for, like, a zillion years already. My questions:

• Does your mind shrink if you don't notice the pain?
• Does the shrinkage correlate with pain medication usage, or will that be a separate 80 million-dollar study?
• And why in the name of all that is holy do people throw money by the billions into studies like this? It's almost as bad as the "cow-flatulence contributing to the greenhouse effect" study, or the "studying the barf pellets of the spotted owl" study.

With such great minds at the helm of our research and finances, humanity is doomed. Spotted owls and farting cows, however, will be impervious to everything.

Which brings me to my second topic. In an attempt to become more physically fit, I am now making several trips daily to the bathroom at the other end of the office. Probably due to the 2 super big gulps of sugar and caffeine rich liquid I consume each day to stay awake (not much sleep at nights). If my brain size and capacity wasn't so diminished by lower back pain, I'd probably have figured out by now that all of that carbonated beverage sloshing around inside of me negates any positive effect sprinting down the hall 10-12 times a day does for me.