Nefariously Orange

There are generally four types of people in our area who wear orange, and any of them can be mistaken for the other:

• Jail inmates
• Surveyors
• Contractors working near traffic
• People with bad taste in clothing.

This whole week, I have been thrown onto the survey crew. I am only typing this message now because one of the crew is late in getting here. If he is just 60 minutes longer, I'll be able to enjoy a free lunch at the expense of a salesman who is demonstrating some sort of product at our office today. One can only hope.

It being a holiday weekend, you would think that I'll have more time to post after Friday. However, it looks like much of our time will be taken up with family picnics, yard work and cleaning out the garage. Oh, and some good friends are flying in from Ohio to spend a week. Bye-Bye, free time.

To my IIF's (all one or two of you): I'm not dead (yet), and I'm not ignoring you. I assure you that I will have a better post or two this weekend, maybe even with pictures! In the meantime, enjoy the following link:

"I Hit The Switch"

I thought it was funny. This is in no way suggesting that you (or I) spend too much time behind the monitor.

So Not The Trendsetter...

I used to be on top of it all... I coulda bin a contendah..., but alas, I have fallen behind the times.

One of the byproducts of parenthood (other than kids, obviously) is the lack of time to do anything, and the lack of money to do it with, should time ever avail itself. So instead of knowing all of the buzzwords and hot topics that people are chatting about, I have my finger on the pulse of the local PTA, I can tell the difference between a hungry cry and a tired cry, and I know the perfect pattern of loading the dishwasher, so that I can fit the maximum number of items in there. Pathetic, really, but that is my existence as it stands at the moment.

For instance, the last three Star Wars movies (episodes I, II and III) I will not have been able to see in the theater. Yes, that's right. I am one of probably 12 people in the entire state of Utah who has not seen Revenge of the Sith yet.

Pity me.

I waited until only three weeks ago to read Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (that's book five, folks), and then just barely read the Half-Blood Prince over the past week. Puh-thetic. Yep.

My thoughts on the Potter kid? Well, you know when a big action scene is coming up, and the action heros are strapping on all of their weapons and getting ready? I'm thinking most of Harry Potter Book 7 will be like that. Getting down to business and dispatching the snake charmer, along with the greasy-haired professor and the ever so smug Malfoy.

C'mon, that's what you've wanted from the beginning, isn't it? Point your wand at the little smirking brat and have him disappear in a brilliant flash of green light? Odds are, though, Malfoy won't get plugged. It will have something to do with Harry having the capacity to love and forgive, blah blah blah, and he will actually end up saving Malfoy's life.

Course, now that I've written this, J.K. Rowling will somehow stumble across it, and make sure that these things don't happen this way, and that Malfoy ends up as a thin paste covering a wall somewhere. Whatever. I do like that Potter finally hooked up with Ginny. She's a hottie. I like redheads.

Moving On...

My blog has been looking as sparse as my wallet lately. Hardly a post here or there. Here's my excuse:

I've had tuberculosis for the past three weeks, and the only way I can update my blog is by text messaging. And my cell phone battery died a week ago.

Not really. But it sounds a lot better than trying to explain that the engineering busy season is starting right now, and that I have to do more and more around the house, as my wife nears her inevitable sojourn into "Bed-Rest" territory. Hardly a free moment.

I am teaching myself a bit of CSS, and you can see the results as a tweak here and a tweak there on the site. Like the masthead. Did you know that photo was taken from my driveway? That's how close the mountains are to my house. I love where I live! I'm trying to work on a script that will put a different random image in the masthead evertime you refresh the page, but haven't figured it out yet.

Another thing. I got hit with my first ever spam comment a day or two ago. I'm pretty sure it's spam because of the distinct pork smell, and also the fact that my counter stats show that this guy never visited my page at all. I felt cheap and a bit used, but I'm used to feeling cheap and used, so it didn't really affect me much.

If I start seeing boatloads of comments showing up on my page, I will know that it is yet more internet pork, and I will be forced to use that annoying word verification thingy for comments. What a sorry day THAT will be, because all of us (me and my one or two IIF's) know that this site is not on a busy street, so to speak, and by design will never get much traffic at all. If it did, you could be fairly sure that the apocalypse is right around the corner.

Gotta run. It's 1:20am, and I need sleep...mmmmmm...sleep....

"And When Everyone's Super, No One Will Be."

I could not have been more wrong in saying that.

In my company, we have a a gentleman who nips the bottle a bit more than he should. There are frequent sick days, and problems at home with his wife. He's older, and planning to retire in November of this year, and yet has no savings put aside for this at all. He is not what you would call a prudent spender.

Yesterday, I got a chance to get to know a different side of him. He had brought in a large ziploc bag with perhaps three dozen photos in it. He had really only wanted to show us a photo of what an old family-owned hotel just outside a national park looked like before his uncle decided to tear the whole thing down and build a more modern one. While sorting through the photos, looking for the right one, there spilled out other pictures. These pictures showed his children as they were growing up, different trips they had taken, a photo with one of his daughters wrapping her arms around Daddy's neck... and then it hit me like a ton of bricks.

This man is somebody's Daddy (granted, these kids are all grown up with kids of their own now). There were years and years that he worked hard to provide a decent living for his beautiful family. I've always thought of him as long-winded, but I've come to realize as I watch my own grandparents edge closer and closer to the grave, just what a bastion of history and experience older people are! And not just older people, but young ones as well!

How many times have we driven past the homeless man waiting for a handout on the freeway exit ramp, and we pretend not to notice him? I am guilty of that myself... quite a bit, actually. It's not that I don't like them, it's just I rarely have any money to give. But several years ago, before I was married, my brother and I would go down to the homeless camp on Thanksgiving day and help serve food to them from a local evangelical church. After serving food, we would go out and talk to these people and get to know them. They led amazing lives - the kind you only read about in Tom Sawyer type books. They would hop trains to get to different cities, they knew where to forage for food, and they had a freedom that was bound only by the most basic of needs - food and shelter. But these invisible people had lived fuller lives than many of us could even hope for. Talking with a woman who owned a house in Denver & had a job that she could go back to, she just shook her head and smiled, saying "Why would I want to go and do that, now?"

Most young children will be fortunate enough to not know what the inside of a hospital looks like, but three-year old Rebekah Adams is no stranger to the scene. Not only was she diagnosed with a form of cerebral palsy at the end of 2004, but then a few short months later was diagnosed as having inoperable cancer in her face and neck (Ewing's Sarcoma). I look at this beautiful child, and I see my own little toddler. I can't stand that a little one has to go through such pain, and I can't imagine what it's like for her family. But this little girl too has a story - a story about lots of doctors, noisy machines, feeling sick... but also a story about the intense love of a family and community rallying around her. I hope and pray to God that she lives to tell these stories some day.

The point is: Nobody's a nobody, and everybody is a somebody. Even the most annoying, disgusting and seemingly worthless person is a somebody, with a life full of amazing experiences. There are things to be learned from other people - from old people, young people, beautiful people, not-so-glamorous people, smart people, not-so-smart people - All kinds of people. Every person is a treasure trove of experience and history, and so many of them are willing to share what they have. Be that person who says smiles and says hi to people, and you will live a richer life than any king or queen ever could.

"And When Everyone's Super... They're All Still Super."

Old [Bloggers] Never Die...

...They Just [Quit Posting, Yet Their Blog Remains Online Forever, Making Us All Wonder Just What The Hell Has Happened To Them]."

Whew, that was a lot more complicated than General MacArthur's quote about old soldiers! Yet, there are so many times that I will happen across a blog where the person posted pretty regularly, and then... nothing.

This spawns an inevitable barrage of questions, like:

• Did they die?
• Did they suffer memory loss?
• Did they figure that blogging was just no longer worth it?
• Are they too busy to blog?
• Did they finally get a life away from the keyboard?

What would happen if I died? Would anyone out there in Blog-dom even know? I think about this on particularly bad traffic days when half of the people think they're undercover NASCAR drivers, while the other half drives like there's a 20mph school zone for the length of the interstate.

For instance, when I first started blogging, I checked out the locals here in my state. I started reading one girl's page and was fascinated by her life, and the things she had suffered through, and I was amazed that she seemed to be doing reasonably well despite it all, and then.....nothing. Kind of like when you talk to someone on the phone, and the line goes dead halfway through the conversation.

Contrast this to a young woman I know who spent time in a couple of different chat rooms, made friends left and right, and then dies tragically one day. Yet, by the time her funeral was held, most of the chat room members knew she had died, some of them driving or flying out to her funeral and meeting her family.

How'd they know?

It's not like chat rooms or blog pages put up a BSOD (Blue Screen of Death), telling others "We're sorry, but the author of this page has recently been eaten by a bear. This page is no longer available" or some other tactful way of expressing the person's demise. So how do we know? Or do we?

This entry has been just a brief assurance of the fact that though nature, fate and karma conspire against me on a regular basis, I'm still here.

Metamorphosis...

Photo Credit: University of Miami Dept. of Biology

Something started happening last week. The depression was a part of it. The feeling of being lost was part of it. No appetites for food, sex or anything else was a part of it. I was a part of it. This coccoon that I have lived in for so long started to crack, and to break open.

Everything I knew...or thought I knew...is changing...is different. Things crystalline are melting into fluid, while things fluid are crystallizing into different patterns. Strong things are becoming stronger, while unnecessary things are being cast off. What is happening?

It hasn't been bad...and yet hasn't felt good, either. Just different. There is dying, yet there is new life. There is fear of the unknown, which fear is quickly swallowed up in excitement and anticipation of the possibilities that lay ahead.

There is definitely something heading straight towards me. It has the same inevitability as an approaching storm, yet exudes warmth and surety like a sunrise.

I smile, and wait...

Just a very quick little note...

The past half week or so has been insanely busy...no time to post...no time to sleep...not time to live...

And maybe my biorhythm is way down or something, because I hit this huge wave of depression yesterday afternoon, and it stuck with me through this morning.

Until I saw this.

It is evidence of the sick, twisted individual that I am that I laughed at this, and laughed so hard for that I could hardly breathe. I haven't done that in months, and it felt good.

Update: Ya know, Biorhythm is a bunch of shit. Every single biorhythm chart that I checked out said that yesterday should have been abso-phucking-lutely fantastic. (muttering)...New age crap....

News Items, then a rant about murderous thugs

Just a few various news items floating around today:

Michael Jackson has decided to look for a new country to live in. No longer feels that the United States is his home. Try heading for the second star on the right, then on 'til morning. Godspeed, dipshit.

Koreans successfully clone dog. The first country in the world to now have a perpetual food supply!

Boy scout killed at Camp Steiner. If they're not being hounded by the ACLU, they're being injured or killed in droves. Wow, this has really been a bad press year for the Boy Scout organization, with one minor exception.

Finding Garrett - The Bardsley family is making one last attempt to locate the body of 13-year old Garrett Bardsley, who was lost in the Uintah Mountains last year on a scout trip. I can think of nothing more horrifying than having a missing child, and I can relate to their desire to bring him home. My heart and prayers go out to these people. I'd be there, if I had vacation time to take from work.

Brooke Wilberger Update on the missing BYU coed from Corvallis, Oregon. It seems they have enough evidence to put a man behind bars, but no body yet. What do you bet the man only gets 15 to Life in prison, with the possibility of parole in 10 years for good behavior. What, have more faith in the American justice system than that? I would suggest you read up on the following:

• Brian David Mitchell: Kidnapped then 15 year old Elizabeth Smart, sexually assaulted her, and kept her hostage for nine months before being discovered by authorities. Sentence? Probably a few years in jail, then a bit longer in a mental institution after that; we don't know yet. Because every time he goes to trial, the fruitcake starts singing hymns and calling people to repentance. Then the judge has to dismiss him from the courtroom. I'll have to remember that strategy if I'm ever in front of a judge for a speeding ticket.
  
  
• Mark Hacking: Shot his wife and disposed of her body in a garbage dumpster. Sentence? 6 years to life in prison. All that for shooting the love of your life, then throwing her away in a garbage can. My wife won't let me grow a goatee because of this idiot.
  
  
• Dennis Rader: The infamous BTK killer. Pled guilty to 10 grisly murders in the Wichita, Kansas area. Sometimes killing people in front of their own children. Sentence? It won't be the death sentence, because Kansas didn't re-introduce the death penalty until 1994, well after his atrocities had been committed. "I'll be paying for this with a life sentence..." he says. Yeah right, asshole. You should be afforded the same courtesy that was extended to each of your victims.
  
  
• Joseph Edward Duncan III: Slaughtered an entire family just because he was aroused when seeing an 8 year old girl playing in a kiddie pool in her front yard, and wanted to molest her. Sentence? None yet, as we await the trial and consequent sentencing. However, judging by his previous record, it won't be long 'til this pig walks the streets again.
  
  
• John Couey: Kidnapped nine year old Jessica Lunsford in Florida, raped her, then buried her alive. Sentence? None yet; court date set for February 6, 2006. His lawyer expects a change of venue, along with throwing out his confession as "inadmissable in court" due to a technicality. They say that prostitution is the world's oldest profession; lawyers pull in a close second, with striking similarities.
  
  
• Alejandro Avila: Kidnapped, raped and murdered 5-yr old Samantha Runnion in California in 2002. Sentence? Death. Yay Judge! The judge told him at the sentencing hearing that he had "forfeited his right to live". Right on. But wait... the last person executed in California spent 20 years and 10 months on death row. Why does justice wait so long?

I am many things, but the best title I have is Daddy, and I wear it with pride! There is nothing that I love more in this world than my children, and God help the man (or woman) that ever attempts or succeeds at hurting my children.

There are small signs in my windows...hardly noticable, unless you are trying to break into my house through one. These signs put the potential troublemaker on notice that if they succeed in entering our home, they will be leaving in a body bag. You think a mother bear is protective of her young? You ain't seen nothin' yet.

"Oh, I just gotta be me...!"

Reading Kristy's blog "She Just Walks Around With It" is one of my guilty pleasures. She is without equal when it comes to hilarious stories of clumsiness, dating, drinking, life in general, and having firemen check out her ass.

Not too too long ago, she posted about a guy that had contacted her through an online dating service.

"one of the first guys who contacted me seemed pretty amazing. he was funny, had a great writing style, good job, blah blah blah, but no picture."

He eventually sends one which, by most standards, was a handsome pic.

"much to my delight, the phone conversation started off great. he was funny and smart and polite. and so yes, on that call, i agreed to meet him for coffee.
but then just before we were about to hang up, he said, 'I Should Probably Tell You Something...'"

is there a worse phrase?

The gist of it was... that pic wasn't him.

When he finally did send one, it was sooooo not the hot-looking guy she thought she was talking to. You have to read it. Read it all, and several other posts at her site while you're at it. She rocks!

It got me thinking, though. I have no pictures of myself on my site. I tried to do the thumbnail pic in the profile, but for some reason, Blogger wouldn't upload it (you know, the one of me at the New Year's Party... naked, with a lampshade over my head?).

Taking a cue from Kristy's would-be suitor, I will post a REAL picture of me on my site. When I tell you that I'm an old guy (36), out of shape (evidenced by wearing baggy clothes, 'cause honestly, if I HAD the six-pack, dontcha think I'd flaunt it?), and have no hair (okay, a thin fuzzy layer of hair since I buzzed it, but you can't see it anyway because of the hat), you'll now have the photographic proof that I am indeed who I say I am!


This is me with my daughter in our backyard.

Lost in Translation

I saw this, and just couldn't pass it up.

For all of you Star Wars geeks out there, here are some screen shots of Episode III: Revenge of the Sith that have been translated into Chinese, and then back into...erm, English.... again. It's a must see!

Backstroke of the West

Heard it from a friend who....

..heard it from a friend who... heard it from another you're an anti-environmentalist!

This is the report from somebody who read my post about beating the hell out of a "rabid environmentalist" voodoo doll, and - wanting to spare public debate - sent me an email addressing their concerns on the subject.

Thank you. Really. Because sometimes I'm blind to the fact that I come across as someone that I'm not. So here goes:

For the record, my stand on the environment is that I am all for a healthier, cleaner earth. For those who have read an earlier post about the state I live in, and all of the natural beauty to be found there, you will understand that I am fairly environmentally conscious, and I make sure that a campsite that I have used is always cleaner when I leave than when I arrived; I buy special fuel additives for my cars to cut down on emissions, I'm actually trading in a not-so-efficient car on a Honda within the next few weeks, I buy only "dolphin-safe" tuna.... etc, etc, etc.

I deplore people and companies that rape the earth for a quick, easy buck, which seems to happen a lot in our country. There could be a lot more safe-guards and protections offered to the environment than there are now, but hey, that cuts into people's profit margins, making the filthy rich slightly less filthy rich, and who could live with that? (sarcasm)

I love the earth, and like our bodies, it's the only one we've got. So we gotta treat it nice!

So here's what I don't like: Extremism, in all forms. Plain and simple.

Extreme Diets - Maybe some of you have had success with the Atkins Diet? There are three different couples in my extended family who went on the Atkins diet (2 couples have stopped after a year - the third still going). They lost a few pounds in the initial phase, but now they are enormous. And unhealthy. Does it make you wonder that Dr. Atkins died from a congestive heart failure? I have 2 more family members that are militant vegans. You know what? They're probably a good measure healthier than the rest of us, but they're missing a type of protein that soy just can't replace. My sister-in-law is actually going a bit insane. A steak would do her good. Everything in moderation, man!

Extreme Sports - Won't go there. Mainly because I never watch the stuff, and I don't know what they do most the time. Just don't have time!

Exreme Home Makeover? Well... okay, I LIKE that show. But I do have some issues about building some huge fucking mansion when a nice, modest or even larger home would do. But I like the fact that they help some really cool people out, and Ty Pennington is my hero anyway, but I digress...

Political Extremism - Rightwing nut jobs and Leftwing bleeding heart liberals? Move 'em all to a big, deserted island in the middle of the ocean and let 'em fight it out. Let the normal people run the country, for a change. For the record, I am a CONSERVATIVE, and moderately so. It doesn't mean that I am a Jesus-land Republican who does the straight-party vote thing. I am just as quick to vote for a Democrat who repesents my values. I take the time to study the issues and what the candidates represent, and I vote accordingly.

Eco-extremism - where nutjobs believe that the world would be better off without a human population, and that one deformed frog embryo is far more critical in importance than thousands of people? Fuck the nutjobs.

Religious extremism - where people (whether they are Muslim, Christian, Jewish, Jehovah's Witnesses, Scientologists, etc) try to force (and I mean FORCE, not just present or share) their religious views upon you through either violent or non-violent means... Fuck them too.

For those who have read my post about the 10 Commandments, you will know that I am just fine with them being posted on government-owned land, for reasons explained in the post. If you are offended by a cross, the ten commandments, or any other religious symbol - you have the right to look away or ignore it. The Bill of Rights does NOT guarantee you the right to "not be offended". Though I am a Christian, and make it to church most Sundays, I'm not a shining example of my faith, and really need to work on some issues. Like my damn swearing (among other things).

I think that God has a place in society, I really do. Read some of the writings of the founding fathers, and you will see that many of them had a strong belief in God, and that you can't separate moral and religious principle from government, which is exactly what peeps like the ACLU is trying to do now. If they succeed, America will fail. Try researching in history how long a government which shuns deity can really last.

Without a culture that fosters and supports (notice I didn't say "sponsors" or "establishes") belief in blessings or rewards (heavenly or earthly) for doing good, will people be as likely to help others, or more likely to be selfish and greedy? What kind of civilization can grow, progress and prosper with the focus being on what is best for the one instead of what is best for the many? Again, look at the lessons of history, and you will see that civilizations who focused purely upon the individual, became a country full of individuals, and not a cohesive society. They became part of history for a reason.

After all, what is there to hold it together? Where is our strength? We become the great salad bowl rather than the great melting pot. Compare a handful of loose ore to ore that has been smelted, refined and forged into a tool. Which would you rather have?

End of my rant today. And again, my apologies for miscommunicating. I'm really not (that big of) an asshole. :)

PS. I wonder how many enemies I made today?

PPS. Is there really an ACLU lawyer voodoo doll? Anyone know where I can score one?

PPPS. For those of you who would like to respond, reply, praise or tear to pieces any of my posts, and you don't want to get a Blogger profile, please email me!