Freakin' Friday

It started at about 1:00am. The Weak-Bladdered-Dog is not supposed to sleep in the family room on the sofa, and so I called her up to the kitchen. She didn't want to come. So I marched down the stairs to the family room, and in a pretty authoritative voice told her to go to the kitchen.

In a demonstration of submission, said dumb dog rolled onto her back (still on the sofa) and emptied her bladder.

That was the straw that broke the camel's back. All those weeks of biting my tongue and not swearing? Out the window. That dog was up the stairs faster than a lightening bolt with a horrid blue streak of profanity chasing after her. The one thing I did NOT want when we got a pet, was for the house to end up smelling like pet. And by damn, it probably will.

She's a beautiful dog, a very loving and loyal dog, but the things that get her into trouble are her mouth (stealing food from table & counters, chewing things up) and her bladder (random acts of excited or submissive peeing). Grrrrr.

Got off to a late start this morning. My wife usually makes the best homemade fajitas ever, and that's what we had last night. But something was off. It was sort of remiscent of food poisoning from Sonic. It was too greasy for some reason, and so both of us ended up sick for most the night, along with the two year old who had a tummy ache all night long. So, late start.

Then, every Lousy Utah Driver (that would be most of them, folks) seemed to gravitate to me. People were just doind really stupid things on the road. Made me wonder if the place where they destroy all of that nerve gas in the west desert has sprung a leak. Maybe they're all just dumbed down from watching too much "reality TV" (I mean c'mon, what do any of those shows have to do with reality?

Speaking of which... They interviewed the new lead singer of INXS on a local radio station this morning. In my opinion, a group has to be pretty damn desperate to select their new lead singer from a "reality TV" show. I mean, yeah, it makes sense. You have a large talent pool, and runoff competitions, and judges... but it still exudes desperation.

I liked INXS before it became really popular. The Shabooh Shoobah days. Anybody remember the song "To Look At You"... that was a great song. And yeah, "The Swing" was pretty decent as an album, too.

What's this I hear about a giant turd running for mayor of Victoria, British Columbia?

VICTORIA, British Columbia -- Mr. Floatie, a community activist who dresses up in a feces costume to decry the pumping of raw sewage into the waters off British Columbia's capital, has withdrawn his name as a candidate for mayor.

The city had planned to challenge Mr. Floatie's candidacy in B.C. Supreme Court. James Skwarok, the man inside the costume, said the city apparently took issue with his candidacy because only real people can run for municipal office. "Of course I'm not a real person," Skwarok said earlier this week. "I'm a big piece of poop."

Robert Woodland, Victoria's administrator, confirmed that Mr. Floatie is no longer in the running, the Victoria Times Colonist reported Tuesday. Skwarok was not available for further comment. Mr. Floatie has become a regular sight at public gatherings. He passes out pamphlets drawing attention to Victoria's practice of pumping sewage directly into the Juan de Fuca after only a screening to remove solids.

Um...Yeah.

I thought this type of insanity was limited to our side of the border. Guess it's a "North American" thing.

More about the school thing. I am starting to loathe this project, and everybody associated with it. (redrum...redrum...redrum...) I'm even developing a twitch in my eye whenever I see the Survey Chief heading my way. I'll be damn glad when we can close the file on this one.

That's all for this post.

/piss and vinegar

PS: Picked this up at Kristy's blog, and laughed my ass off!

More Humor from the Press

Sorry KOM, it's another headline post...

Australian caught smuggling bird eggs in underpants jailed for two years
Was his last name "Berger"?

Art relieves constipation, lowers blood pressure
What, taken internally?

Man escapes Pakistani jail to land in Indian prison
Remind me never to go gambling with this guy.

NBA to employ fashion police in arenas
Queer eye for the Sports guy. Yeah.

Dead man gets parking ticket from Australian cops
Wow, in America dead people don't get to drive cars, but they can still vote.

Indian astrologer lives after predicting own death
He might not have died, but his credibility just did.

Rat eludes capture for 4 months
Smarter than your average bear, but not smarter than Osama.

Tanzania's witch-doctors cast spells for votes
Still more honest than American politics

Larry Bird Inspires Man's Longer Jail Term
So is this guy known as a "jail-Bird" then?

24-cent US stamp block sells for record near 3.0 million dollars
Hey, I have a book of 37-cent stamps! It's yours for 4 mil - a deal at twice the price.

China to buy the moon
Who the hell is selling the moon? Probably the people with the stamps.

Still no government but Germany's Merkel is made into doll
What, like "Bride of Chucky" style?

Anglican leader says praying like sunbathing
Does he do swimsuit calendars of his parishoners? Where do I sign up?

Germans spend thrice as much time on sex as on prayer
That would explain why they're not very tan. Maybe I need to move to Germany.

94-Year-Old Drives Miles With Dead Man On Car Roof
Things that make you go "Ummmmmmm"

Kutcher, Moore union inspires sitcom
Inspires nausea, actually.

Man allegedly robs bank with pay stub note
"So it doesn't have bullets. But it can give you a really nasty paper cut!"

Man stops carjacking with hot coffee
Yeah, holding a gun in one hand and coffee in the other can be awkward. Good thing he stopped.

Golfing cop pulls gun on slow players
Shooting slow golf players? We'd have dead people everywhere! (Oh, he wasn't holding coffee in the other hand, was he?)

Psh.

The Wednesday that has become a Monday. Better make that "The Tuesday and Wednesday that became a Monday".

I've been working for months on the design of an elementary school in the next county over. Understand that I don't design the school itself, but rather the civil design that goes with it (curb & gutter, land grading and drainage, utility hookups, etc.)

Here is the problem: The plans from the architect show a nice, pretty drawing that you should be able to plop down on the parcel, add water, and voila! Instant school! Or so I assumed. Big Fatal Mistake #1.

Closer examination of said architectural plans several months into the project reveals that none of the curbs and gutters are aligned with each other; they're all off by a few inches.

Somewhere along the line, we relied on a survey done on a set of coordinates that doesn't correspond to anything in the real world, thus eliminating our ability to check it against the county's master survey.

The county that we're building this in has its own survey coordinates that, in and of themselves, don't correspond with anything else outside of the county. North isn't truly north within the county, but rather, a fraction of a degree off.

Trying to adjust for deficiencies, discrepancies and other problems has resulted in the whole school being located about a foot and a half south of where it should have been.

A foot and a half may not sound like much, but one of the company principals is furious. Something like that can tarnish a company's reputation. And though there were many problems between the architect's plans, the survey, and what is actually out there on the ground, I can feel the blame shifting toward me.

Today rather sucks.

Expectations

Everybody's got them. Kind of like noses that way. Except someday soon, I suspect, Michael Jackson will no longer have a nose. But he will have expectations. Expectations like being able to invite all of his little boy friends to a sleepover at his place without being thrown in jail. But I digress.

Here are some of my daily expectations:

• I expect to be woken up at least twice nightly, either by a weird dog that feels the need to frolic in the yard at 3:00am, or by a cute little 2-year old with either bad dreams or an upset tummy.
• I expect to pay anywhere between 50 cents to a dollar to fill up my soda refill cup.
• I expect that when something breaks down on my car, it will cost no less than $50.00 and usually not over $200.00
• I expect that if I go to church, I will probably feel uplifted, and maybe earn a few extra brownie points towards making it to Heaven (believe me, I need all the help I can get!).

What I did not expect, however, was to sit in front of a set of twins that could easily have satisfied any sound effect needs for the entire Warner Brothers cartoon department. It went a little like this:

Speaker: "...and thus we see that.."
Thing 1: "EEeeeerrrrrrrrrruuuuuuuuuupppppp!"
Thing 2: *giggling*

Speaker: "...the words of Isaiah, which read.."
Thing 2: *cough* *cough* *cough*....(makes gagging sound)
Thing 1: *giggles*

Speaker: "...foul demons of the underworld.."
Thing 1: "Brrrrrrrrrpptttptptptptptt" (How do you actually spell a fart?)
Thing 2: *explodes into laughter*
Mom-Thing: SSSSsssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

One minute transpires...

Speaker: "...is really what life is all about.."
Thing 2: "Moooommmmm, Thing 1 just wiped a booger on me!"
Thing 1: *farts again* "Did Not!"

I think I was supposed to be learning about something in the Old Testament, but ended up learning a lot about patience, longsuffering...and more longsuffering. On some Sundays, listening to the ongoing sound effect dialogue would be preferable to what some of the speakers have to say, but yesterday I just wasn't in the freakin' mood.

Other examples of the "unexpected":

• I didn't expect to get a pistachio shake today, but was given one anyway.
• I didn’t expect to get a new chair mat for my office, but lo and behold, three of them were sitting out in the hallway, and I’m assuming that one of them was meant for me (so I just took it).

Everyone has expectations; many or few, big or small. I find that if I expect the unexpected, I am rarely disappointed. Of course, then it's no longer unexpected, is it?

Do I Dare Admit This?

I Finally got around to watching Matrix: Reloaded and Matrix: Revolutions this past weekend. They've been out for how many years now?

Off topic, I'm eating salt & vinegar potato chips right now, and it's making my lips swell up. I feel like I have Goldie Hawn lips. Great, I'll probably get bombarded with Google searches for "Goldie Hawn" now. Sheesh.

Eenyway, it was a nice little 4 hour distraction into some alternate reality with squid-like robots that have more eyes that that huge freakin spider from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.

And wow, Zion? I still haven't resolved the difference between the "fire-in-the-cave-dancing-and-pelvic-grinding Zion" from the "immaculately-white-room-with-people-typing-on-imaginary-keypads-in-midair-
control-room-just-like-in-Minority-Report" Zion. Strange. Anyway, what would a movie review be without screenshots? I didn't take interesting ones because I figured everyone's already seen these two shows (just like Star Wars Ep. III).


"...cause your friends don't dance, and if they don't dance, well they're no friends of mine." - The Matrix Dance by Lots of Men Without Hats


I think I saw this in West Side Story


This looks just like me in the mornings before the caffeine kicks in.


A bunch of Hugo Weavings standing around, feeling sheepish.


You will undoubtedly look at my pitiful collection of screenshots, and say, "That's all he took from the Matrix?!?" I would have to answer "Yup."

I watched this movie out of two different eyes: The "Ooooh, cool visual effects and funky story" eye, and the "cynical, popping jokes every couple of minutes" eye. And they didn't see the same things in the movie. Think "Marty Feldman" eyes.

The sarcastic eye won out on the narrative, and here we are. Probably because, as I mentioned in my last post, my brain shut down Thursday afternoon in anticipation of heavy labor weekend. My cynical and sarcastic side, however, requires no brain activity whatsoever because it is an innate and primitive reflex in me. Sure a good thing I'm not a movie critic.

A time of anniversaries

Wednesday, October 12th: 24 years ago, they put my grandmother into the ground. She was the first person to die that I was really close to.

Wednesday, October 12th: My 100th blog post

Thursday, October 13th: My 6 month mark as a blogger

And there you go. Miserable boring drivel to post today, but it is Friday. My brain, anticipating the "Heavy Labor Weekend", spins down and goes into hibernate mode 24 hours earlier, so as to give a distinct buffer between thinking and working. Heaven knows I can't mix the two.

*Switching to "I've just won an Oscar" mode*

I want to thank all of you who made this possible.... mwah!... mwah!...

All kidding aside, you guys totally rock my day. Not only those who stop by to say hi on my tiny little corner of BlogSpot, but also all of those blogs that I visit daily. You guys totally make a difference.

Have a most excellent weekend!

Thursday Headlines

Just one of those days

Big stars born near Milky Way's black hole
This might explain Tom Cruise, and a few others...

Arkansas Mother Gives Birth to 16th Child
All I can say is "Ouch!"

First day of school for aspiring Vatican exorcists
They're going to exorcise the Vatican?

Turkey Conducts Bird Flu Investigation
"Gobble Gobble? Gobble Gobble *cough* Gobbbbbblllle!

Burglar, scared by corpse, phones police
Corpse sneaks up and says "Boo". Works every time.

Boy, 9, swims from Alcatraz to aid Katrina victims
Swimming from Alcatraz to New Orleans? Good luck kid.

'Brilliant' killer of old ladies stalks city
Stalking a city? How would you inhume a city?

More bones of hobbit-sized humans discovered
They weren't holding signs that said "Lollipop Guild", were they?

Alleged Capo Vanishes in Middle of Trial
He was wearing his magic hat and cape.

Inmate Flees Hospital in Bra and Panties
This guy is more than one kind of sick.

Afghan fighting erupts before Rice visit
Afghan fight? Sounds like a pillow fight, only lamer.

Man arrested on charges of stealing jet
A jet? Can't exactly carry that one into the pawn shop

The 100th Post

I never really thought it would get this far , so in honor of the 100th post, I've done one of those "100 things about me" lists. If you're feeling particularly masochistic today, you'll read it.

1. I have 3.5 kids
2. I have a dog
3. I like the colors green, blue and purple
4. My favorite show when I was 7 was the Six Million Dollar Man
5. Oh, and maybe the Jetsons, too.
6. I have lived in California, Utah, Switzerland and France.
7. I loved California
8. And Fanta soda pop (when I was a kid).
9. I love the beach, and found some whole sand dollars there once.
10. I have one brother, one sister, but many siblings.
11. I once accidentally shot a friend with a nail gun. He's OK. Really.
12. One of my childhood friends committed suicide 2 years ago.
13. I'm usually not confrontational, but when I am, it ain't pretty.
14. I love British humor.
15. I love to hike up mountains.
16. I've had 5 dogs and 4 cats through the course of my life.
17. One of my dogs was run over by a car three different times, and still lived.
18. We also had 2 horses about 20 years ago.
19. We had it all before my parents divorced.
20. My dad was a lawyer, but now writes books.
21. I've owned four different cars: Honda Accord, Ford Escort, Dodge Caravan and Honda Civic.
22. I'm eating a roasted almond granola bar right now.
23. I hardly ever shop for clothes.
24. I am often a cynic, especially when someone tries to sell me something.
25. I ran Track and Cross Country in high school.
26. I can play the trumpet and cornet pretty well.
27. I was once in our high school marching band.
28. I tried learning the sax, but that came at a bad time in my life.
29. When I was young, we would go to the beach, then Winchell's Donuts.
30. I can repair most things on a car.
31. I like Fondue and Raclette.
32. I can speak and understand French, and understand some Spanish.
33. I have dated 2 girls who later became strippers.
34. I once tie-dyed a golf shirt.
35. I was a lifeguard at Raging Waters water park once.
36. I can't stand to kill anything, except for flies or anything that could harm my kids.
37. I can work mere inches away from hornet nests, and they won't bother me.
38. I caught a small water snake in our backyard once.
39. I have never been a Britney Spears fan.
40. I love to sing in choirs, or in the shower.
41. I have a scar on the back of my head from a large mirror falling on me when I was 2.
42. I had a weird fascination with school buses when I was 12. Don't ask.
43. I have blond hair and blue eyes.
44. I never had allergies before President's day, 1980. Cured: April, 2004.
45. I enjoy skiing.
46. I dressed up as a pregnant nun for halloween in my first year of college.
47. I detest "Utah Drivers".
48. I was the result of an unplanned pregnancy.
49. My parents' marriage was the result of me.
50. I was kind of a hooligan as a teenager.
51. I sucked at math in high school, yet got straight A's in college. Go figure.
52. I saw Star Wars 20+ times as a kid...Before VCR's.
53. John Denver and Gordon Lightfoot music remind me of when life was good in our family.
54. I like the muppet show.
55. I knew all of the US states and their capitols at the age of three.
56. I can remember the school song I learned in 1st grade in California.
57. I think political correctness is wrong, but you should be nice to others.
58. I like most music types, except opera, heavy metal, rap and techno.
59. My first encounter with pornography was when I was 7 years old, on the shelves at 7-11.
60. I was nearly knocked over by Drew Barrymore once.
61. I have driven a car while sitting on the roof, steering with my feet through the sunroof.
62. I was a frozen yogurt jockey once.
63. One of my favorite foods is bacon. Bacon Cheeseburgers are the best.
64. I love to design houses.
65. I remember rotary phones.
66. And disco music.
67. I cussed my grandpa a blue streak when I was 4 years old. I don't remember it, though.
68. I loved to streak when I was 5.
69. 69 is the year I was born.
70. 70 is the year my wife was born.
71. I have lots of people I'm friends with, but very few who are close friends.
72. Brazilian barbecue absolutely rocks, can I just say?
73. I had a Mickey Mouse Club record when I was 7; I had a crush on Lisa Welchel at the time.
74. I have only been hospitalized once.
75. This "100 things" list is actually pretty easy.
76. I think being a daddy is the coolest thing in the world.
77. I have been to 25 U.S. states, and 9 foreign countries.
78. I am comfortable in my religious beliefs, but not always comfortable with how I represent my faith.
79. I have never broken a bone in my body.
80. I have always liked Dr. Pepper and Squirt.
81. I have excellent handwriting.
82. My first kiss was when I was 17.
83. I love 80's music.
84. I know how to work a butterfly knife pretty well.
85. My life was changed by a girl I never got to meet. She died four years ago.
86. I love to read.
87. I love piano music, especially Rachmaninoff, George Winston and David Lanz.
88. I lived in my 17th home by the time I was 15 years old.
89. I am hypoglaucemic.
90. I have chased black bears twice.
91. I didn't learn to swim until I was 14.
92. I love photography.
93. I love to travel.
94. I love to write, and have several fiction projects being neglected right now.
95. I was a virgin when I got married.
96. My personal barcode number is: 1 36002 69165 0.
97. I love where I live, because of the small-town feel to it. The scenery is awesome, too.
98. I'm good at building things.
99. I'm not very organized.
100. Neither my wife, nor family, nor any of my friends are the least bit aware that I have a blog.

My car is infected by Microsoft

Yes, the "Blue Mouse" is not doing so hot. Over the weekend, the little "Check Engine" light came on, and so the Mouse was promptly quarantined to our driveway. We plugged an OBD-II reader into it, and the car mentioned something about "catalytic conversion not up to par...yada..yada."

I asked my friend, the Honda Jedi Master about what all of that might mean, since he has the factory manual on the Civic.

Honda Jedi Master: Hmmmmm, powerful is the dark side, yes....
Honda Paduwan (Me): Umm, yes, well that may be, but what's up with the car?"

Honda Jedi Master: Mmmm? Oh yes, new O2 sensor must you have...Mmmmmm..."
Honda Paduwan (Me): Um, can I drive it until then?

Honda Jedi Master: Oh yes, drive it you may. When "Check Engine" light on comes, you are in "Safe Mode"
Honda Paduwan (Me): Whaaa... Safe Mode? Like in Windows?"

Honda Jedi Master: Correct it is, young paduwan. Just like Windows. Keeps you from harming the Honda, it does.
Honda Paduwan (Me): How's that?

Honda Jedi Master: The Fuel Map it changes, so that further harm the engine you cannot until sensor is changed.
Honda Paduwan (Me): Wow....but Safe Mode? Like in Windows?

And then, the conversation took a different path...

Honda Jedi Master: A trembling in the Force there is... A catalytic converter it is that you seek.. Mmmmmmm...
Honda Paduwan (Me): These aren't the droids you're looking f.... Catalytic converter?!? Where did you get that one from?

Honda Jedi Master: Yes! Believe me not? My master you must inquire of!
Hooded Honda Sith: Yes young Jedi, a catalytic converter... I have forseen it...
Honda Paduwan (Me): Um, where'd the creepy guy in the dark robe come from?

Hooded Honda Sith: Join us, young Jedi, or die!
Honda Paduwan (Me): Hey I think it's cool you're calling me a Jedi, but what's up with the dying part?

Hooded Honda Sith (lightning shooting from his fingers): You cannot withstand the power of the dark side!
Honda Paduwan (Me): Alright, alright... Catalytic converter it is! Hey, what's an auto part between friends, right?

Honda Jedi Master: Yes, repair will be made, and in Safe Mode you will no more drive!
Honda Paduwan (Me): Safe Mode? Like in Windows?


Sorry, the lack of sleep must have overcome some inhibition about leaving rants of delirium on my blog. I truly do appreciate my friend and his efforts in diagnosing the problem with the Blue Mouse; he actually knows one of the guys who wrote the factory manual on the Civic for Honda. My hat is off to you, L.W.! You totally rock!

My Daughter, Queen of Tact

"Mommy, if the baby comes now, will it die?"

These are the words my 8 year old asked last night as we sped toward the hospital. My wife had been having frequent contractions, but at irregular intervals. Because her pregnancy is considered "high risk", the doctor told her that if she started having more than two contractions an hour, she was to go straight to Labor and Delivery to be evaluated.

To add to this stress, she was at 34 weeks, 3 days into her pregnancy yesterday. Our last daughter (Cute Critter) was born at 34 weeks, 5 days... and had to stay in the NICU for three weeks while her lungs and feeding reflexes developed. We did not wish to repeat those three weeks of hell. So, my Monday night was spent holding my wife's hand in the hospital for a couple of hours while they ran tests on her.

Across the walkway in the Triage / Evaluation department were a few other couples getting ready for that magic moment, while we were desperately trying to avoid ours for at least another two weeks. One young woman had the fortune/misfortune of being there with her mother.

Each time a different nurse would enter their curtained stall, the mother would repeat everything she had told the previous nurse verbatim, even the sarcastic little comments and the tonal inflections in her voice. Wow. She must have practiced that little speech for hours.

Then, when the poor, suffering daughter was given some pills, the mother barked "What's that you're giving her?" The nurse replied "Something for the pain". To which the mother said "Well, I had five kids and never once took anything for the pain!" My wife realized that as bad as she thought she had it, the poor girl with the know-it-all mother probably had it worse.

The test results came back, and seemed to indicate that her body was not going to go into labor during the next two weeks. *sigh of relief*

We packed it up, picked up our kids from my grandparents' house, and headed home... quite grateful for another two weeks.

Looking for Paige Hemmis Pics?

There are none here!

There, does that help?

I mean really, check this out:



I would say easily that 90% of my site traffic this weekend was generated by a bunch of losers who have the inexplicable urge to check out the goods on a chick who wears a pink tool belt, and uses power tools better than most men.

So, in an effort to stem the tide of horny Paige fans, I have temporarily renamed the site.

Also, the comment spam is getting so bad that I will shortly be forced to use that word verification thingy.

Sorry!

Wayback Machine: European Vacation

"Sherman, set the wayback machine for 1986, location: Europe. We will endeavor to fill each of these headings in over the next week or so."

"Whatever you say, Mr. Peabody!"

The Bad Haircut
Missing Depeche Mode

The Trip
The Hotel
The Things We Saw
Cambridge
Leaving London (unfinished)

The English Channel (unfinished)
Getting to Paris (unfinished)
The Things We Saw: Paris (unfinished)
The Laundromat (unfinished)
Leaving Paris (unfinished)

The TGV (unfinished)
Arriving in Courchevel (unfinished)
The Parting of Ways (unfinished)
The Hotel Lac Bleu (unfinished)
The Altiport (unfinished)
The Places We Went: Courchevel (unfinished)
The Things We Did: Courchevel (unfinished)
Sophie (unfinished)

Going Home (unfinished)

My take on the news

Warning: Not Political. Not much, anyway.

Headlines, and what I think of them.

"Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes expecting child”

Ewwwwwww, gross! Can I say that Tom Cruise just creeps me out? How many girls is he going to go through? And honestly, he’s like old enough to be her father. I’m beginning to think that he actually is one of those space aliens that the Scientologists are trying to protect the earth against. I mean, what better place to hide, right? And that wrist-grabbing thing of his...

"Python Bursts After Trying to Eat Gator” Yuck! Although I can relate. I’ve had meals like that before.

"TV Tower Wires Kill 400 Birds in One Night”

I think the word I’m looking for is personification, where we assign an inanimate object humanistic qualities. I’m just imagining a huge TV tower crouching behind a building, just waiting to jump up and surprise an unsuspecting flock of birds making their way southward. The real story is sad, really. I guess their primitive avian guidance systems don’t count on steel support cables stretching through their flight path.

"Bush: More sacrifice needed in war on terror"

Fine. I’ll break out the altar this weekend and throw on a couple of lambs, maybe an ox.

"FBI probes ex-Marine on classified information"

What kind of probe? Vulcan mind probe, Sandy Berger “Down the Pants” probe, or the insidious “Body Cavity” probe?

"Regis Philbin, Donald Trump sing duet on new CD"

The apocalypse is seriously here, people. Who in their right mind would have let these two record a CD together? What has this world come to?

"'Batman' house escapes damage in Calif. fire"

Of course it did. They just pushed a button and the whole house lowered into the ground on giant hydraulic lifts, and then a giant sliding steel door closed over the top of it. And then an inflatible convenience store popped up over the steel door to disguise the site.

"Officials Recover Body at Pa. Landfill"

Quite the trend you've started, Mark Hacking.

"Now you never need to stop drinking..."

From Germany. Why am I not surprised?

"Defiant Critic Among First Afghan Winners"

Hey look, there's a defiant critic! Give them an afghan. One made out of really itchy wool.

"Majority of Dead Katrina Victims Nameless"

They've got names, dipwads; you just need to find out what they are.

"Bush: Militants Seek to Establish Empire"

It's all about the clothes. If you don't have stormtroopers in cool white armor, and a really tall guy dressed in black, you don't have an Empire. Oh, and you need a giant space station disguised as a moon. Militants score on those points: 0 for 3. Losers.

"Envoy: U.S. Greenhouse Gas Growth Slowing"

That's 'cause we're building less greenhouses. Ha ha.

"Researchers Reconstruct 1918 Flu Virus"

Bad things happen when you reconstruct bad things. Just ask the peeps at Jurassic Park.

"Martha Stewart to race pumpkin across Canada lake"

That woman is desperate for a headline. Any headline.


ad nauseum. I could go on, but why?

Good Morning, and welcome, welcome, welcome...

Thank you to Aleisha, Kat & KOM for your comments in the Dreamscape post; if you happen to have any additional thoughts and experiences about these things, please post them. For all of you who have not commented yet, please go here and do so. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

I'm in a fine mood this morning, and it's not because I had a good night's sleep (because I hadn't). It wasn't even one of those nights where I could wink and smile while saying that I didn't get any sleep. No, this all had to do with my youngest daughter having a tough time last night, so I spent a while sleeping at the foot of her bed. Which area contains roughly four square feet of surface area to sleep on. And while I'm not a big guy, I'm not a small guy either, and there was no comfortable way to position myself on that bed. But I did it anyway for the love of a two-year old girl. And I have the backache and stiff neck to prove it. On the morning after I visited the chiropractor. Irony, no?

My chiropractor is a miracle man. He's an older guy, and the best doctor I have ever had. Ever. Along with Chiropractic, he practices kinesiology and contact-reflex analysis. The first time I had ever visited him was for acupuncture. Yes, he’s an acupuncturist, too.

I had a severely impacted sinus infection. He told me that sinus infections were usually a result of something else wrong in the body, and tested me using the contact reflex analysis method. He told me the sinus problems were caused by a low metabolism, which in turn was caused by an intestinal infection.

Ooookay… just how do the intestines and sinuses relate to each other? Don’t know, but he treated the intestinal infection, and the sinus problems were completely gone within a week.

I asked him if that same intestinal infection could be responsible for those severe allergies that I had experienced since I was 12. He used kinesiology to treat me for the allergies, and every one that he has treated is completely gone.

Grass, for instance. I couldn’t mow the lawn without having watery eyes, runny nose and sneezing galore. Not to mention the skin rashes. He treated the grass allergy, and the next day I mowed four lawns and had not so much as a single symptom of allergic response.

Say goodbye to twenty years of living off of Benadryl, Actifed and Allegra-180. His treatment? It took less than three minutes, involved no drugs or shots. Just touch.

This guy has patients who will gladly drive three hours to make office visits. I consider myself lucky to live fairly close to his office.

Honestly, what would you give to have a doctor like that?

Dreamscapes and the Astral Plane

Okay peeps, here's a question that has rolled around in my cranium like a BB in a tuna can for a few years now, and I want your opinion. So much so that I am going to permalink this post over in the sidebar under the heading of "Dreamscapes."

Whether it's today, or several months down the road. Whether you've commented on this before or not, your thoughts and experiences on this topic are really, really appreciated.

What is your dreamscape like?

Are the places you dream about represented exactly as they are in real life, or are they slightly different in the dream?

If they are different, have you ever had multiple dreams involving the same dreamscape?

The reason I ask, is that there are theories that sometimes, during your dreaming hours, your spirit, soul or "astral body" (whatever you want to call it) leaves your body and heads to some destination on the astral plane.

You might ask, "What's a nice conservative somewhat religious boy like Nilo doing asking questions about the astral plane?" I would answer "Who's accusing me of being nice?"

It's one of those theories that makes you scratch your head and go "huh." And yet, there's not enough evidence to prove or disprove it. So, out of curiosity, I was looking for your thoughts and experiences on the subject.

Comments much appreciated.

NNNNnnnnnnggghh....!

Nothing going on today; just the misery of both a cold AND the stomach flu hitting me at the same time on this cold, rainy AND snowy Tuesday morning. Can't think straight, and trying to get some stuff done for a client before he gets here this morning.

What a miserable post. I promise to replace it with something better. A bit later.